Last night got a little interesting for me…
Thursday’s are “me” night. I take myself on a date. Get away from life…anxiety ridden dogs…work…everything.
Typically it’s live music, same venue. It’s a fancy hotel bar and they have some great local artists. No many show up to this, which is why I like going. It helps that there is a kind young man who remembers my name, remembers my drink and refers to me as Mr. followed by my last name. He helps me feel…sophisticated…I guess. I tip him good, he takes care of me. What else could one ask for in a bartender? This started out a performance for just me and the 2 bartenders which was a little surprising but slowly others started coming in.
These nights are usually uneventful for me. It makes for fabulous people watching though and “me” time. Last night was no different until a couple of college girls came in. Then the night got interesting.
All night she kept looking at me. Smiling and staring at me as she held a conversation with her friend. Giving me the most incredible smiles. Two college girls…I’m a 41 yr old man. I had to look over my shoulder once or twice to make sure it was me she was staring at and throwing smiles to.
Two other older ladies eventually join them. I hear the girl that was staring at me refer to one as “mom”. This was like detonating a nuke on any scenarios I had playing in my head. Her mom sees me staring as they take pics of their daughters together. Her mom shrugs her shoulders at me as if I am some innocent observer going “those darn kids”…but that wasn’t what I was thinking. At all. Time to get out of there before mom catches on to my energy (which was all over the place)…
I go to tab out and there’s a woman next to me eating the most amazing Tacos from a local taco place. I make small talk about how amazing her food smells. I notice a ring. I ask about her meal…she tells me it’s too much for her by herself and gives me a look. I mention her ring and she tells me she’s there for work and staying at this hotel by herself. Again…that look. The devil on my shoulder screams at me…”eye for an eye”….but the freaking asshole angel on my other shoulder is screaming at me “don’t”….so I don’t and instead wish her luck with her work project.
I’ve been in this funk mentally the past few weeks. I think there is a curse on me. Yet tonight, for two very brief moments in time…the old, broken man that no one sees was someone else’s moment.
I smiled on my way home. I’m not a ghost…I’m not dead…and I may be weird as fuck but others can still see me. Still WANT to see me.
So thank you college girl and married girl…I needed tonight. I was beginning to think I was dead.