If you are not familiar with The Giving Tree then do yourself a favor and become familiar with it. The story is a reflection of humans more today, than ever.
I consider myself an Empath. When I “take on someone’s energy” I see it as a way of me emotionally acknowledging and empathizing which in turn triggers this healing side of me. It’s more suddenly finding myself wanting to make that person smile or feel momentary warmth or whatever. To take away their BS even for just 5 minutes out of their day. That comes as instinct and it is especially difficult when I’m already drained or haven’t filled my own daily cup. I still force myself to step up, even when I do not want to.
The issue with this is, I drain myself completely by giving away energy that was not even asked for. Not that any of us should expect or want to be refilled when we try to lift the spirits of others but it’s becoming obvious to me that I give it out WAY too often and carelessly to boot. It’s beginning to take its toll.
I don’t have to lose a limb or give all of my fruit to every sad soul who posts on social media. I don’t have to lose all of my leaves for those who will forget tomorrow. I don’t have to reduce myself to a stump. No one is taking my energy. It’s me, handing it away to others who may show slight appreciation in the moment while holding it at zero value.
The flip side is, those who DO put value on it. In the Metaphysical world there is a term used. Energy Vampires. These are individuals who “feed” off of the energy of others, typically through narcissism and/or manipulation. Either hoping to bring their own levels up to yours or bring yours down to theirs. Those Vampires will notice you and they will seek windows of opportunity to enter your life in some form, usually in order to fill a void within themselves. However one must not forget, a Vampire cannot come in unless invited (thanks for the life lesson Lost Boys). Unfortunately for me, I have a habit of basically leaving the door wide open with a big bright neon “welcome, come on in” sign.
I have an extremely difficult time saying “no”. I have my entire life. It’s a curse and weakness I carry. With that comes a lack of self empowerment. It’s a feeling of being chained against one’s will knowing full well you chained your damn self. Social media forces us even more into these situations as well. How many times have you marked interested in an event and someone tries to invite themselves?
I’m to a point where I refuse to take part in things that I have no desire to partake in just to appease others or provide them some sense of momentary fulfillment and/or happiness or a false hope. All I have left is a spark in this existence and if I give that spark way, I am left without opportunity to burst into flames. So, I’m my own investment now and I choose when to give my energy (and f**ks) out. It’s too critical to my own healing.
Only a stump, I often feel as if I have nothing left to give and no longer serve a purpose. I’ve either given it away or it’s been taken from me. So, that tiny spark I hold onto so tightly, is the last bullet I have left against this life. It will either have to be taken from me or earned.